Commitment

I don't know what's more daunting, trying or not trying as I sit here through another sleepness night; my body clock now completely out of sync. A little earlier I watched as it snowed for the first time in my area this winter, no wonder I feel cold.  It has certainly been a long year this year as I begin my next journey.  

Last weekend I had headed down to Southampton to visit the flight school of my choice. Up until then I felt that I was getting too comfortable in my land of neutrality where I made no decision, and so had no risk of success or failure; I was starting to lose my momentum. The school was very impressive, and with a very good reputation within the industry. The speakers were informative, the school representatives were very generous and friendly with their advice, and both the course and facilities were shiny attractive. I was both excited and petrified to be there as I realised that my dream was both achievable, and the commitment involved is petrifyingly huge.  But at least I now know, for sure.  Also up until this point, even despite all the research online, to hear that information first hand was the confirmation required to hit it home for me.  I left the school with renewed excitement, which soon turned to fear, and moving between the two points since then like an analog signal.  What a scary journey this will be.         

But this is it, this was why I quit my stable full time job, and for the first time in a very long time, I was afraid of losing something I wanted.  I had forgotten what it was like to want something, and to think for a long period of time I was trying to talk myself out of it.  I was in a stable office job, guaranteed that I would have the weekends off, have no over time, and was only 10 minutes commute from my house.  I have my car, I have my circle of friends, my colleagues were great, I'm settled and I have my outdoor activities here in Scotland.  It was safe, and it was available.  And yet over time I grew restless, something was missing.  I only stopped questioning myself after being reminded by a close friend that it was odd seeing me want to "settle", regardless of the path I was going to choose.  And so with everything in mind, and making sure I was also financially viable to make that decision, I made a decisive one - I would change my career and head into commercial piloting.  It was time, now or never.

So now I'm working on improving my mental acuity, and my maths.  Two main requirements as when I do get invited to interview, I will be tested on both.  Mental acuity being pilot aptitude tests i.e. using controls to test hand-eye co-ordination, pattern recognition, reaction time, memory, spacial awareness and multitasking.  Like my closeted feelings, my brain also has quite a few cobwebs to dust off as it's been a while since I've had to use it to such an extent.