Mental Battle

Receiving my second rejected application, I come crumbling down with sadness. Not because I was at all surprised by this rejection, but because I appear to be scared of my narrowing choices. It is a very odd feeling, as my friend try to snap me out of it. I am sad yes, but its more of a being wounded feeling rather than knocked unconscious. It is two days until Xmas, and as I looked forward to the New Year, it was quite a stark reminder that I am still quite vulnerable despite my optimism.

Keeping an eye on the goal; flying! 

As I sat and skimmed the email, it was like I was propelled back to denial. Pfffff, breath, I reminded myself. Pffff, speed bump, keep your eye on the goal. As I moped, allowing time for myself to recuperate, I read a bit for distraction, ate dinner, watched the news and re-read the email several times to make sure the information has sunk in.  A few hours later I am now back at my desk ready to jump back in.  I had let statistics scare me.  Ok the odds for me were not great, 12 spaces for approximately 8000 applicants (last year's application statistic), but that is a factor I cannot control.  So keep your eye on the goal, I reminded myself, as I am doing the best I can.  That means, since my first application, I have read more about piloting and the aviation industry; more maths revision test papers than I care to remember; applying to jobs within the aviation industry and even learning to swim more efficiently. I can swim, in a pool, but when it came to open water I knew I was very weak. So cue friend who used to be a competition swimmer. She is so enthusiastic she is even suggesting I practice scenarios – “what if you need to jump from the aircraft into the water, I'll teach you to dive”, and “will you be swimming in your clothes, cause we can arrange that too?” Others telling me that I am the energetic and encouraging one, so snap out of it! I am warmed by the network that has been built around me, and push on.

So while I thought I knew how to swim, I soon found out that actually, I knew nothing.  After a 30 minute blitz session my body ached. My biceps and thighs have not felt so bad since the day I started to try rock climbing.  What was new was the abs being so well worked too.  I was super hungry by the time I got out of the pool!    

As for my mental mind, I push the memory back to when I do sports to draw strength.  Like in sports, a life goal can only be achieved through setting smaller targets.  By meeting those smaller targets, you are constantly building on your strengths to finally reach your goal.  This career path is no different.

So, bearing in mind that I must pass a vigorous medical exam (class one) every single year from now on, and with mental and physical training, I have also lost weight and have not felt this strong since playing hockey in my early twenties.  I will (ahem) forget that at the beginning of this week I tried to run for a train, and nearly fainted half way.  I may have to work on my running as well, that or do not run.  Every sign outside commands that I "do not run" anyway, I am just doing my British duty in complying!  Do I need to run?  What aviation scenario will I need to run?....  I hate running.  Though I am not where I want to be yet, every lesson mental and physical I learnt in my past is now kicking into over drive - I will make it!