Post selection day - results

Front entrance to Dibden Manor in the evening

So keeping with the interest of being open, I received my results from the assessment last Mon, the email was sent just before noon.  I was at the time on Lismore Island cycling to a spot where I could receive mobile data.  (Read about my travels at Dizzytravelling, click here.) I had planned a road trip for the week after the assessment purposely to either celebrate, or commiserate.  As I stopped outside a cemetery, sponsored by the lottery as advertised by the shiny plaque near the front entrance, I sit down in front of the information points in time to hear a roar above my head, followed by a black fighter jet zipping above my head in the clear bright blue sky.  It was teasing me.  At this spot I managed to receive a 4G signal, which was a hit and miss on different parts of the Island, as I found out when I would receive messages in odd spots, and I mean there is nothing but farmland but still receiving messages, spots!  At least the cemetery is next to the only main road that runs all 12 miles from north to south of the Island.  And the Island is only 1 mile in width, that's how small it is.

The back garden view to the Manor in the evening

As I read the email, the dreaded feeling that offered me only broken sleep through the entire weekend, even up to yesterday, came to fruition.  Fail, followed by the usual generic feedback.  The weight, exhaustion from not having slept properly since last Tuesday night, and the complete depletion of energy instantly erupted into anger.  I was livid, at myself.  I had already cycled 5-6 miles at that point, half of it over rough hilltops, so I needed  both rest, and to calm down.  As we were all informed at the assessment presentation that we would receive feedback from the day, I read and re-read the email in confusion.  "What kind of feedback is this?  It's completely generic?!"  After chatting with some friends over social media of course, I am a millennial after all, I got moving again.  I'd like to say that that was 30 mins later, but I really didn't know how long it was.  The sun was shining on me, I was in a peaceful place, and I had a bit of time before I needed to cycle back to the small ferry port to get back to the hotel on the other side - Port Appin.  It turned out it would take me a further six hours to calm down, and a further two days to start recharging.

One of the selectees from the group had decided to get everyone's number so that we could all share in each other's results.  I have to say I was skeptical at first, wondering if it would be strange to know if someone passed while you didn't, but it turned out that it was a great idea.  Though I didn't pass myself, it was nice to that others did, especially those who had taken the assessment several times already.  We offered our congratulations, and encouragements.  I wonder if I will meet some of the others in six months time...  

Port Ramsay on Lismore Island

As planned for my road trip, I was to travel to Arisaig on Tues.  I arrived with the sun blaring, and sea kayaking waiting for me.  As we made our way down the coast, we had stopped for a short break in front of Cambusdurroch beach.  It was here I received an attempted call from one in the careers advisor team regarding feedback from my assessment day.  It was both an inconvenient moment, and I had not fully recovered, so I decided not to take the call.  No point in taking or calling them back if I was not fully receptive.  As I sat down onto the beautiful sandy beach staring out across the sea into the Skye's Cullins mountain range in the background staring back at me from a distance, a loud noise is echoed through the sky.  Suddenly like out of nowhere, about 500ft in front of me, and must have been about 300ft in height from the sea, a green jet fighter whizzes across peripheral horizon, turns 90 degrees on it's side flashing the plane's underbelly to me, and a couple more blinks of the eye later, scoots between two mountains and disappears.  I sit continuing to blink, mouth hanging open and questioning whether that just happened.  I don't even have a photo to prove it, it moved too fast.  My guide informs me that of the years he's been there he's never seen a jet fighter fly by before, never mind in such close proximity.  That's two in two days, is this a sign!?

By Thurs afternoon, as I was sitting on the ferry back to Mallaig, that's the end stop of the Harry Potter train by the way, for those who are interested and don't know where the port town is, I decided to give the school a call back.  I was both ready, and I finally had the time, as today was the last of my small island hopping.  I landed, packed my bike back in the back of the car and sat in the driver's seat just staring out into the open sea, only to be stared right back by the Isle of Eigg.  After the generic email, I wasn't quite sure what feedback I would receive.  

Phone box on Lismore Island

First the advisor confirmed that the email is generic, after I shared my concern.   Then I was walked through the positives and negatives, given more detailed tips and then advised on how to prepare for a second attempt, should I wish to proceed.  Though it is said that applicants have only two chances to try to get onto a flight course, and though I had to wait for 6 months to reapply, the school did not invite all applicants back for a second assessment try.  I was further encouraged, or was very 'sales talked to' depending on how you look at it, that the assessors had written that though I am good, I am not quite there yet.  As such, they believe that in six months time, I will be better ready to proceed with the course.  Of course the obvious sales pitch was the advisor telling me that should I reapply, I will "only" pay the slightly reduced cost to sit the assessment.  Yes folks you heard me right, you have to pay to sit the assessment.  I have to say, I wavered earlier this week about CTC Aviation after the results were released, needless to say, after such a positive phone call, my faith was renewed.  Not that I would give up anyway!

As friends started asking me about the results, and offer their commiserations, which don't get me wrong I feel very lucky to be surrounded by such a supportive village of people, do not feel sorry for me, I am fired up and ready to relaunch!  If I fall and give up after my first big hurdle, I certainly don't deserve to be in this industry.  Resilience, handling tasks under pressure, and continual learning is part of the job description, that I have in abundance.  As I reassess my options, and readjust to this first failed attempt, I will in the meantime work on my negatives, first by playing more joystick controlled computer games, especially the 3D spacial tracking ones.  Dang, I never thought I would be slapped in the face by my weakness in playing computer games before, had I known I would have learnt to control Sonic a lot better back on my Game Gear (Sega). 

Looking out from Lismore island onto an unnamed Island, and Mainland UK in the background

CTC Wings - selection day

The 'Hangar' accomodation,
with my rental car, nice drive VW!

With my fellon looking passport photos in my bag, I arrive in Southampton the afternoon before the assessment.  This was it.  Despite looking over all there is to do in this south coast town, New Forest National Park (NP), Tudor House where Jane Austen and her family stayed, the Aviation Museum, the Naval Museum, the Titanic walk and the pier in which the doomed cruiser would sail from and even rock climbing centre, in the end I took a drive and a short unplanned wee walk in the NP, and went back after a couple hours with, still jitters within.  I couldn't concentrate.  I don't think I have been this stressed since studying for my Masters degree, and that was quite a few years ago.  Not having been challenged and pushed out of my comfort zone to the point where the results matter, I was nervous.  I amused later that night as I stayed at Dibden Manor, the place of assessment, there were about 10-15 other people there sitting around the tables to eat dinner.  All were male.  Stereotype one, tick.  The place was also very very nice.  I remember explaining the school to a male friend, and all he summed up was, like Xavour's school from the X-Men then.  I can confirm, yes, that was exactly how I felt in the school.  Posh flight school on an estate manor, stereotype two, tick.  

The facilities at Dibden Manor, based just on the edge of New Forest Park outside Southampton, were mainly computers and theory based facilities, with accommodation, catered facilities and meeting rooms.  The actual flight simulators were in the building in Southampton, the building I also visited back in November on one of their many open days.  The food served was very good, but then they did have their own in house chef and staff, while the drinks and snacks were abundant.  I finally came across the infamous Nespresso machine in the lounge area.  We were told to help ourselves, but quite frankly, none of us knew how to use the machine, which looked more like an alien machine!    

Waking up the next day in a daze, followed by pocking yourself in the eye while getting ready, is never the best start to the morning.  I guess broken sleep was better than no sleep at all.  Staying in the school grounds accommodation reminded me of being at Uni again, except I don't remember my dorm room being that small.  Maybe as time progressed my spacial awareness has changed, but there was a bed, ensuite and table with kettle with coffee and tea bags.  What else does a cadet need?  I mused that all the toiletries in the ensuite were from the Scottish company based in Falkirk.  Even the toiletries have travelled further in the UK than me!    

By the time I finished breakfast in the main building, and walked to the lounge to start the day, it was 8.15am and half the candidates had already arrived.  All smartly dressed in suits, we introduced ourselves within the group and started chatting quite freely, which was nice to break the ice.  By the time 8.30am rolled round we all noticed that there were in total, four female candidates up for selection.  That accounted for 30% of the candidates in today's selection (assessment) process.  We were all surprised as we acknowledged it was nice seeing to see so many representatives.  Though the number may not seem like a big deal within the selection group that day, trust me, in a room full of males, like at yesterday's dinner, it was a HUGE elephant.  Go gender equality!
   

Inside the room

As we were all applying for the Wings program, it was to be a collaborative day rather than competitive, which also helped with alleviating the pressure.  This was further confirmed in the opening 30 mins presentation which was given to us.  "If you meet the criteria today, you will be offered a place on the course".  We were also informed that it would be in our best interest to also work as a team as when you become a pilot it will be about team work, and will help you in the group assessment stage.  The presentation also covered briefly the outline of the course which we applied for, the run down for the day, what to expect, finished with any further questions we had.  I should say at this point that I think the presentation was 30 mins as I don't wear a watch, and as everyone also confirmed later, we were all mostly busy focusing on the tests themselves.   

As there was quite a few candidates at selection today, we were split into two groups when we started our assessments.  One group sat the maths and pilot aptitude tests first, while the other went to do their group assessment first.  After everyone was finished, we would swap assessments.  Though it didn't matter which assessments you did first, it's usually down to personal preference whether this actually did or not.  I'm not sure what I would have preferred, but I ended up doing the maths and pilot aptitude tests first.  You should note here that you don't get a choice, you're just simply told which group you're in.    

Lunch

Every forum and blog post which I have read, which was written about this day, concludes that you come out of the maths and pilot aptitude test feeling you failed, often miserably.  I was no different, to the point that upon bumping into a fellow selectee in the other group in the hallway, and her exasperated smile on her face as she sees my face, I'm sure I looked like a ghost.  Later in the afternoon as we got chatting at lunch, she mentioned our brief encounter in the hallway.  To which I then asked her, how did you find the tests?  We both laughed when she replied, "the same as you when you walked down the hallway!"  So I was certainly not in the boat alone, that was for sure.  Comforting?  I'll let you decide!   

The group assessment went quickly, which was surprising.  Without being able to divulge too much, as we were asked not to by the assessors, all I can say is, that it went by very quickly for a group assessment.  We were tasked a series of things, and surprisingly also completed them in a very short space of time.  Here, I thought I was more comfortable and in my element.  

Lunch was interesting in that, it was mostly just a blur.  Another selectee comforted with, we only have 30 mins more of this assessment before it's over, so not long.  I nodded in agreeance and continued eating my mish mash of a salad.  It was a buffet, and I was very indecisive of what I wanted to eat, so took a bit of everything - prawn in prawn cocktail sauce, tuna mayo, greens and a latte.  I also took a Kit Kat but ended up not eating this.  During this lunch time, we were also joined by two guys from the careers team, who had also just finished, or is finishing their flight courses.  One was also on the Wings course, and the other, on the modular course.  It was good to be able to talk to someone with insight, it's reassuring. 

After lunch, we were all scheduled for interviews.  It usually schedules with those who live furthest away, go first.  I was one of the earlier interviewees, but with a couple candidates from Dubai and France, I was certainly not the furthest!  The interview, I thought, went slow at times, but as I was thinking this, I looked at the clock and found that actually, the interview went by much quicker than in my head.  I wasn't sure how I did on this, just like I wasn't sure on certain parts of the pilot aptitude test.  This was mostly because you're not sure where the standard is, and what the assessors are actually looking for.  Literally, time will tell.  

As I sat back outside after my interview, another candidate had joined our little group.  It turned out that he was originally from Cape Town, South Africa, but no longer living there.  Not having an EU passport though, he was applying for a different course from us.  There were many French cadets roaming around also, as I found out last night.  Though I am surprised at the distance everyone was travelling to get here, I really shouldn't be considering the reputation, and that CTC is within the top two flight schools in Europe, and still within the top five in the world.           

Taking a walk in the New Forest NP, as you can see, it was really wet & flat! 

My flight home was supposed to have been at 8.20pm, it was then delayed further at the airport.  Due to that, I missed the last train home, thank goodness for taxis, and ended up back home in bed at 11.30pm.  From 6.30am, it was a long day.  Not as long, as I soon discovered, as waiting for the results to be emailed to us on Monday*. 

*Results are usually given back to the student the next working day, but because my assessment day was on a Friday, we all had an entire weekend to wait.            

     

Brain training – being prepared

Only a couple hours after completing the writing of my previous post on staying focused, I received an email which was to propel me from one end of a roller coaster ride to the extreme opposite in the blink of an eye – a confirmation that my application has been successful, please proceed to stage 2 of the selection process. As my frown does a 180, it also hits me, this just got (very) real. A day later, I had also received an email confirmation that I was successful in (another) job interview, and so I should show up for training in a couple weeks time. I thought it would be great to apply for a job at my local airport so that I could sneak in some aviation industry experience. Ideally I would have preferred being a despatcher, failing that, as part of the welcome team within the airport (i.e. greet customers and assist). As neither of those jobs were on offer, I applied for security without thinking further. That was a big mistake.

My fellow trainees were great, we got on well as a group, no major upsetting characters, and so it made the process pleasant. The work however, was not so in comparison, as we were compounded by (required to know) information overload, mandatory tests and learning physical procedures. I was prepared for the early morning starts, and the potential of shift working starting at any part of the day, but I wasn't prepared for the stress and attributes demanded from me. I had been so stressed that I was woken one morning with a nose bleed. I soon learnt that I wasn't alone in this boat, which was of comfort, but didn't relieve the problem. I quit after a few weeks on the last day of training; this was most definitely not a job for me. Though the experience was, interesting, I learnt a lot about myself over those few weeks. One was the astounding confirmation of just how lucky an environment I am in, to be able to quit a job whenever I feel it is not the best option for me without having to worry about the immediate financial impact, thanks parents. On analysing my experience I found that the job required me to do four things which I essentially do not have. Be paranoid and curious, meaning to always ask questions, and follow up questions, to determine whether someone or thing is a threat. I don't initiate gossip, I have no interest in famous people, never mind a stranger, and I most certainly am not curious to know other people's business. Third thing, be authoritative. I am the type of person who will hear your opinion, try to persuade you of my own if it is different, and then ultimately let you make your own choice. I don't make it my mission to force you to change as I believe that people make their own choices and succeed or burn from those same freedom of choices. There is also my cultural up bringing at play here where I was just barked at with orders, expected to obedient without question. Naturally I now repel against that. The fourth attribute I don't have is, I can't see the worse in people, which is needed if you are to review things to try identify threats to security. It's difficult to see the world with eyes of hatred, because that was my past. I was so angry with life, and it took me decades to move on from that trauma, and so my reluctance to go 'backwards' stems from this. Though the most painful part of this experience was the act of not completing something, I am not sorry for being a lover, not a (physical) fighter. Realistically I know we need both sets of people in the world, which is why I respect the (physical) fighters, but I am not one of them. I am that pencil pusher, I fight with words and acts of kindness.

So now I am back, focusing solely on trying to pass my assessment and selection process. Hopefully in that, I have a much kinder outcome and experience! As the airport job has reminded me, I can only hope that my preparation and current skill set is enough, after all, I cannot know all that will be asked of me, and how I will cope with it until the situation occurs.