Brain training – being prepared

Only a couple hours after completing the writing of my previous post on staying focused, I received an email which was to propel me from one end of a roller coaster ride to the extreme opposite in the blink of an eye – a confirmation that my application has been successful, please proceed to stage 2 of the selection process. As my frown does a 180, it also hits me, this just got (very) real. A day later, I had also received an email confirmation that I was successful in (another) job interview, and so I should show up for training in a couple weeks time. I thought it would be great to apply for a job at my local airport so that I could sneak in some aviation industry experience. Ideally I would have preferred being a despatcher, failing that, as part of the welcome team within the airport (i.e. greet customers and assist). As neither of those jobs were on offer, I applied for security without thinking further. That was a big mistake.

My fellow trainees were great, we got on well as a group, no major upsetting characters, and so it made the process pleasant. The work however, was not so in comparison, as we were compounded by (required to know) information overload, mandatory tests and learning physical procedures. I was prepared for the early morning starts, and the potential of shift working starting at any part of the day, but I wasn't prepared for the stress and attributes demanded from me. I had been so stressed that I was woken one morning with a nose bleed. I soon learnt that I wasn't alone in this boat, which was of comfort, but didn't relieve the problem. I quit after a few weeks on the last day of training; this was most definitely not a job for me. Though the experience was, interesting, I learnt a lot about myself over those few weeks. One was the astounding confirmation of just how lucky an environment I am in, to be able to quit a job whenever I feel it is not the best option for me without having to worry about the immediate financial impact, thanks parents. On analysing my experience I found that the job required me to do four things which I essentially do not have. Be paranoid and curious, meaning to always ask questions, and follow up questions, to determine whether someone or thing is a threat. I don't initiate gossip, I have no interest in famous people, never mind a stranger, and I most certainly am not curious to know other people's business. Third thing, be authoritative. I am the type of person who will hear your opinion, try to persuade you of my own if it is different, and then ultimately let you make your own choice. I don't make it my mission to force you to change as I believe that people make their own choices and succeed or burn from those same freedom of choices. There is also my cultural up bringing at play here where I was just barked at with orders, expected to obedient without question. Naturally I now repel against that. The fourth attribute I don't have is, I can't see the worse in people, which is needed if you are to review things to try identify threats to security. It's difficult to see the world with eyes of hatred, because that was my past. I was so angry with life, and it took me decades to move on from that trauma, and so my reluctance to go 'backwards' stems from this. Though the most painful part of this experience was the act of not completing something, I am not sorry for being a lover, not a (physical) fighter. Realistically I know we need both sets of people in the world, which is why I respect the (physical) fighters, but I am not one of them. I am that pencil pusher, I fight with words and acts of kindness.

So now I am back, focusing solely on trying to pass my assessment and selection process. Hopefully in that, I have a much kinder outcome and experience! As the airport job has reminded me, I can only hope that my preparation and current skill set is enough, after all, I cannot know all that will be asked of me, and how I will cope with it until the situation occurs.